Man, this sure took me long enough, didn't it?

This might very well be my last post of 2008, and here I am wasting it on a game blog. This is going to be the kind of thing that I look back on my deathbed and think, "Why did I do this?"

Enjoy!



So... it's off through the Foreboding Tunnel of Doom, with Issun the Arrogant Wandering Artist bouncing on Ammy's nose. This is going to be...fun. Yeah.

Just keep telling yourself that, Kait.

Oh, did I mention the Special Fruit sparkles? Well, I am now. Its scintillating skin... yeah, yeah, you get it. IT'S THE SKIN OF A KILLER!1!!einundelfzig!!1!1!!!

Ammy goes through the Tunnel of Doom, and ends up in some alternate world at night. How do I know it's night? Because the moon and stars are out. See, aren't I smart? Issun says that he doesn't remember any place like this in the village, and breaks the fourth wall and lets me know that I can use the + Control Pad to look around. Also, I can use the 2 Button to change my POV. Shit, this is one of those games where you always have to move the camera around, isn't it? Damn it.

Issun then informs me that I look helpless, and asks me if he's sure I can take care of myself. Dear Ammy, please, at one point in this game, succeed in biting him. Love, me.

After running a few steps, I'm treated to my first save point, I mean, my first Origin Mirror. "They say once your reflection appears on its surface... your memories will be stored in the mirror for all eternity!" Ooh, I like that idea. It may consider itself stolen. In fact.... *jots down story notes* Anyway, Captain Issun then tells me that "you can save your progress here." Really? No shit. It's not like I hadn't already figured that out for myself or anything.

He also tells me that "You should save a number of game files. That way, you can always go back if you get stuck or something." Okay, I know I'm a rather shitty gamer, but I'm not this bad. Head, meet desk.

Of course, it's not as bad as the PS2 version, where he tells me that I need a memory card.

He tells me that I should always be prepared, especially when I'm still learning the game basics. Sorry, Issun, I found that out the hard way when I managed to get lost in the Triet Desert the first time I played Tales of Symphonia, and, of course, every time I've played Zelda ever.

I can move again, and I save, finding out that this whole thing since I started has taken me 19 minutes and 51 seconds. Damn.

I run over a bridge, and Issun points out some pots, saying that "they look like they're just waitin' to be broken! If you bust 'em, there might be something good inside." Once again, head, meet desk. Issun tells me to swing the Wiimote, which makes Ammy FUCKING SMASH TACKLE them, which is epic awesome.

After breaking all of the pots, I come up to this really tall cliff that has a chest on top of it. I need to press the A Button to jump, and then press the A Button to do a wall jump. "But make sure you press it really firmly so you jump really high!

It takes me a couple of tries, but I manage to do it. Issun says stuff that implies that there'll be treasure where I can do it, which probably involves a lot of moving around the camera. Boo.

Ammy smash tackles that chest open, and I get a Holy Bone S, which restores 3 units of Solar Energy, or HP.

Right before I can go across the second bridge, Issun stops me and informs me that it's out. How stupid does he think I am? He shortens Ammy's name to Ammy, officially, and asks me if I've ever heard of the spirits of the brush. "Good brushwork has its own soul, 'least that's what they say."

He tells me to watch, then summons up the brush board thing, and neatly colors in the area where the broken bridge would be. He calls it Rejuvenation, and says that it's a brush god power that can restore broken or missing things.

If he gives me the opportunity, don't think I won't abuse the red text. >:D

Anyway, he says he's practiced really hard on that one technique. Practiced really hard on...scribbling? That makes him, what, five years old? He also says that there are 13 [techniques]. "Each one is a power of one of the 13 brush gods. Originally, all 13 were a single powerful deity. When the deity died, its power was split into 13 separate gods."

He gives me a little bit on Shinto philosophy, and says that it's probably not possible for someone to master all 13. The slacker in me likes that idea, but I know what I'll end up doing.

I'm free to run across the bridge, and I do so. A little bit over the bridge, there's a stone tablet reading "River of the Heavens." Issun points out a "little puddle," which is apparently the river. Should I go toward it? Nah.

I go up a hill through a torii instead, where Issun comments on the stars. Four blue stars are in a zigzag line, which probably means that I'll have to connect the dots. No, not quite connect the dots, as the four stars glow, I see a dragon, and Issun comments that there's a star missing.

He says he'll "just have to draw the missing star!" He tries, and fails, much to my amusement. He says that maybe he's just not ready to draw missing stars. "Press the B Button to hold the brush, then the A Button to draw," he says, like I'm an idiot.

I do so and fill in the missing star, and then the dragon comes to life. He surfs around on a scroll, then talks to me, in yet another alternate dimension. "Ah... Why, if it isn't mother Amaterasu. I apologize for not contacting you sooner during these long years." Clearly, we have an American localization team. "Having never forgotten you, I, Yomigami, god of restoration, have eagerly awaited this day when we could again meet." "Yomi" is the Underworld, and "yomigaeru" means "to be resurrected." O I C WAT U DID THAR.

"When we were away, the 13 spirits of the brush that you once possessed, including myself, have been scattered across this land of men, and now lie in disarray. I became a constellation and managed to survive until now." Well, hiding out in the sky isn't that hard, so I won't be too impressed.

"The time has come for you to seek out and reunite all the techniques." Well, fuck. That's bound to be harder than it sounds. "Your power is what is needed to restore the dried riverbed of the heavens and renew the flow of stardust." He turns into a glowing ball with a kanji on it that swirls around and absorbs itself into Ammy.

It fades back to the Celestial River, and Issun states the obvious ("That was Yomigami, God of Rejuvenation!" Gotta abuse that red text somehow.). Apparently, I have the power of REJUVENATION! now, and I can use it to restore the River of the Heavens. "That would mean you were as good with a brush as yours truly!" God forbid that would happen. "Nah... It couldn't be true." Not for long, anyway.

After smashing another couple of pots, I head back down the hill through the torii. That tablet still hasn't changed. It still says "River of the Heavens." This time, though, Issun suggests drawing some stardust to get the river flowing again. So, I guess all that blue shit's just hanging out like Jello or something? Hm. Issun shoots down the idea, but we all know what I'll end up doing very shortly.

Okay, so, it turns out that the Jello-like stuff at the end of the island was, in fact, the Celestial River (yes, I'm calling it two different names), and I have to REJUVENATE! it in order to swim across. I suppose that makes sense, but I'm not too comfortable with the idea of doing it over some alternate dimension meaning I have no clue where the bottom is. Whatever. It's a game. I suppose they can't kill you this early on. Issun wonders whose brush is doing this.

After I arrive on the other island, I open a chest to find an Astral Pouch. Issun says that the Astral Pouch can "swallow up food. Then, when it's full, it can revive the owner if he or she dies!" Man, way to be vague about Ammy's gender. Also, how can someone use it if they're dead? I smell some fourth-wall-breaking. Issun suggests starting to feed it with some food that we'll (conveniently) find there.

Once I do that, the next step is to go through another Foreboding Tunnel of Doom, so, that's what I do. There's a rather long uneventful path through a forest with three torii, but all of that changes once I enter a cave. These spiked logs come down and seal me in there. You know what I mean.

Issun says that this must be the Cave of Nagi. "The legendary hero Nagi is enshrined here!" I'm mildly curious as to how they got him into this alternate dimension. Maybe Sakuya liked him. Captain Issun recaps the intro, which is a good thing because I fell asleep because it was so damn long, and says that Nagi's sword needs help. He's mildly snarky, and I scribble on the sword to REJUVENATE! it.

Now Issun realizes that it's been my brush this whole time. Good work, dude. "How'd you get so good? Exactly what are you, anyway?" I'm just better than you. Duh. Idiot.

Issun notices that there's a constellation, and I fill in the missing star. We're taken away to the same alternate dimension with Yomigami, and this time there's a mouse with a BIG FUCKING SWORD in its mouth. He zooms around cutting the air and being cute and stuff, and comes to a stop in front of Ammy. "Well well well... if it isn't mother Amaterasu. It's been a long time. But with all these monsters around, the only place I could hide was in this shrine dedicated to ancient heroes." For some strange reason, there's no red text.

"If there is anything I can do to assist you in your endeavors, I'm at your service." Try handing out your brush technique. That would be nice. "Make good use of this sword, as it was designed to conquer evil." Wait. That's not Tsukuyomi. He turns into a kanji ball like Yomigami did, and I'm taken back to the shrine. Issun says that was the god Tachigami, master of the Power Slash technique. "Tachi" means "cut" or "cutting." Once again (for now), I C WAT U DID THAR.

Issun comes to the startling realization that if I get all these powers, I'm going to be "just like Shiranui!" Issun recaps the intro again, and says that "[he's] never seen this Power Slash technique [himself]." Now I get to try it out. I have to cut a boulder, of all things, in half, by - you'll never guess this - drawing a single line.

Issun's a skeptic, and, just for losers like me, the walkthrough I'm using, which is a hell of a lot more helpful than Issun, informs me that I can hold down the Z button to make sure I get a straight line. Sweet. Even with that, though, it still takes me a few tries to cut a damn boulder. I hope all the other ones aren't like this.

Once I finally manage to cut the stupid boulder, Issun is Impressed and snarky at the same time. "I'm not even in the same league as you! Guess I really overestimated myself..." Yeah. You did. Suddenly, Issun has an Idea. "If you're Shiranui reborn, then that means you can master all 13 techniques, right? In that case, I think I'll tag along until I'm as good as you! Lucky you!"

That bright red streak on your screen was the blood from my throat after slashing it with a letter opener. Lucky me indeed.

Issun changes the subject. Not subtly at all, I might add. "Now that you've mastered the Power Slash, you can cut down that thing Sakuya was talking about." You mean the Sparkling Fruit? It's in red text, so I'm going to assume that it is. He suggests going back, and, for once, leaves me on my own to figure out that I have to POWER SLASH! the logs keeping me in the cave. I do so, go through the first torii, and OMG FUCK I'M GOING TO DIE.

I mean, I now have the game's first battle. Okay, fine, so I didn't die, but mirrors suck. I mean, flailing the Wiimote like a maniac is the best strategy, everyone knows that. The Future tells me that I'll get a weapon that does allow me to fight like that shortly, all things considered, but it can't come soon enough. After that battle, I go a ways, and OMG ANOTHER BATTLE. Nah, I survive that one too. Barely. Luckily, for losers like me, this game does not have random encounters. Cue sigh of relief.

After that, it's another uneventful trek through both of the Foreboding Tunnels of Doom. Finally, I'm back outside Sakuya's tree, and thank Bob Issun doesn't tell me to cut the fruit down. He does, however, earn the rank of Captain once I do POWER SLASH! it. "But I sure wish I could have spent more time in her kimono, if you know what I mean!" I do. Don't worry. Oh, Issun. He suggests that we go examine the village, which for some odd reason is greenscale, with the exception of the red-orange torii.

Along the way, we come across some grey flute player. "What in the world? I don't remember there being a statue here... Well, whatever. Let's go talk to the villagers!" It turns out that all the villagers have been turned into statues. Once Issun says this, we hear a giant roar. Issun says that it probably has something to do with the sky being so dark, so he suggests that we head for higher ground.

Well, it's not like there's anything better to do. As I'm doing so, Issun states the obvious. Apparently sprinting the whole time is still too slow for this guy.

My finally getting to higher ground initiates another cutscene. "This is bad... The sun's not even shining." No shit. That's probably why it's so dark. "It's as black as night as far as the eye can see." *headdesk* "Is it some kind of curse? Did a monster do this?" No, it was you fucking around with your brush. It's the whole butterfly flapping its wings and causing a cyclone gambit.

Speaking of Gambit, he looks pretty hot in the new Wolverine movie.

Anyway, "It's not gonna stay like this forever, is it? If only the sun were out to light our way... If you could draw a circle in the sky, we'd have ourselves a sun!" Why doesn't he just do it himself? Is it because I'm Better Than Him and he wants me to do all the dirty work? Or maybe he just sucks?

"But I guess that'd be impossible, even for a god like you. Maybe we better seek out another brush god for help. Of course, if you had that power from the start, that'd be a different story." It's not like Amaterasu is the GODDESS OF THE FUCKING SUN or anything.

I draw the circle, and the darkness disappears. Issun finally makes the connection with my name being Amaterasu, the name of the sun god, and that I had the Sunrise technique from the start, and it can turn night into day. Dear Issun, please stop making me want to kill you. Love, me.

Apparently, "The flowing brush is like music from the heavens." Because I'm such a good artist, my brush techniques will now be named after that, the Celestial Brush. Issun suggests going back to the village, and before I can do that, some old guy stops me.

It's Village Elder Mr. Orange, who runs around with an orange on his head. Weird. He can't see my red marks or my giant flaming mirror. He says that there's no way Ammy can be Shiranui, because that story's 100 years old, but she still looks exactly like Shiranui's statue. "On the other hand, you don't look quite as smart..." Ammy is not pleased, and starts growling. He says that he's not one to mince words and just states the facts, and while he says this, he's throwing punches, for some reason.

Suddenly, three more Green Imps appear on a hillside, behind Mr. Orange. Issun says that "these are the monsters that have been plaguing these lands," and they jump. Ammy blocks them with Mr. Fucking Orange, and then I get to fight them. Joy.

Defeating the monsters restores a pond and nets me some Praise. "That's because ridding an area of monsters restores the gods' power to the land. People call it Divine Intervention," which I guess is sort of like REJUVENATION! only without a brush. "The more you restore the land to its natural beauty, the more Praise you'll get. It's the source of your power." That only, you know, makes sense with my being a god and all.

"Few people believe in gods these days, and that may weaken you, but if you try real hard, your true power might just shine through!" So, netting Praise is how I level up. I suppose that makes sense. Issun comments that Mr. Orange thinks Ammy's a regular wolf, and whines more about the decline of the gods and stuff. He says that we're off on an epic adventure. Wow, game, subtle like a brick to the head.

Now, Ammy opens a chest, which contains a Feedbag (Seeds). Issun says it's kind of worthless, but we could save it to give to animals, and we should use it when we try to approach animals later, because something good might come outta using it the right way.

Issun tells me that "Whenever you want to check the items you've obtained, just press the + Button to open the Fan Menu. While the Fan Menu's open, you can check and see the items you have." No shit. Didn't you just say that? Issun sure loves that Fan Menu. I feed some sparrows, and net some praise. There's really no need to say so each time I feed something, so, I won't.

I jump off of the sacred platform, and Mr. Orange has his head in the dirt like an ostrich. Unfortunately, I can't smash tackle him. Right next to there is the flute guy, Komuso. Monsters appear. After panicking, I manage to defeat them in 15 seconds. This earns me praise.

Right, now to explore the rest of the village. The first person I run into is Mushi's Mama, who bitches about people messing up her turnips by running around digging holes with the C Button. She warns me about digging there, and I ignore it, because I know I'll be doing just that very shortly.

The next person I run into is some kid named Mushi, which is also Kuki's sister's name in KND, and he wants to know if I can beat his dog, Hayabusa. He says that Hayabusa dug up 9 turnips in a row, even though his mom was trying to chase him. Hayabusa is trying to get all 10, and he challenges me to dig up all the turnips, and reminds me, just in case I don't have common sense avoid being slugged by [his] mama!

Issun isn't pleased with that, but he says that "at least [I'll] have [my] Celestial brush and wicked brushstroke. This is actually pretty fun. Mushi's Mama is chasing me the whole time, but all it takes is a POWER SLASH! to the bucket that she's got on her head, and she's out for enough time it takes for me to dig one up. Pretty easy, even for me. The last turnip to come up is an Oddly Shaped Turnip, and I have to take it to Mushi in order to finish the minigame.

He says, once I do that, that that's the Oddly Shaped Turnip he and Hayabusa have been looking for. "That means... you've broken Hayabusa's record by digging up all 10 turnips!" Naturally, he isn't pleased, but, for some reason, gives me some praise anyway.

The next person we talk to is Mrs. Orange, who's out doing her laundry. She says that a white wolf is rare, and that I should probably be careful, because monsters have been attacking the village. Issun is rude, and Mrs. Orange is all "whatever." She says that she was drying her laundry when her drying pole disappeared. Issun says that she's missingsomething that should be there.

Well, we know what this is a job for. I REJUVENATE! the pole, and Mrs. Orange is pleased. But, she says that if only the sun would shine closer, her laundry would be dry in a second. This looks like a job for SUNRISE! Mrs. Orange is pleased, and so ends her scenes.

Next up is to a girl singing and working in a rice field. "What a fine-looking wolf. What's your name? Mine's Kushi. It's a pleasure to meet you." Her little portrait screen informs us that she's the village sake brewer. I've been informed by The Future that Kushi will be on my Top 3 characters list, possibly in the #2 slot, but she hasn't done anything to merit that yet. Well, she'll do something eventually, I'm sure.

"Working in the fields again, are ya?" Kushi is surprised to see Issun, who apparently knows everybody, and wants to know if he's with the wolf. Before he can answer, she changes the subject. "This is where I grow the rice for making my sake, you know. But I have to manage the harvest all on my own. It's hard work. Maybe I should have Susano give me a hand again this year."

Issun tells me that I should talk to someone with a blinking green triangle over their head, because that means they may have more to say. I don't feel like quoting because it's all common sense, even though I would have an excellent opportunity to abuse that red text. Let's see what else Kushi has to say.

In this case, Kushi talks about Susano. She says that he's always practicing with a sword, and that he's apparently a descendant of Nagi. Oh dear God. I'm sure you all know this myth reference, so I won't talk about it. That goes hand-in-hand with the myth, though. Also, it bears mentioning that Kushinada-hime, or Kushi for short, was Susano-o's wife, after he defeated Orochi. Wow, the myths provide excellent foreshadowing, or spoilers. Your mileage may vary.

I'm free to move around again. Oh, look, there's a broken mill wheel. This looks like REJUVENATION! time. Kushi runs over to inspect the wheel formerly known as broken. She says that she'd completely given up on the idea of making sake, but now she can get on with polishing her rice. "Well! No time like the present! I better get started." I love her.

Next, at what is presumably the village exit, there's a merchant trying and failing to push a boulder roughly four times his size. Surprise! Another monster was possessing him. Said monster moons me and slaps its ass, and then I kick its ass. See, it all worked out nicely. Doing this restores the land and nets me some Praise.

The merchant says he feels better, but he still can't move the boulder. He wants to know who the fucktard was that blocked his passage to the city. He tells me to go track down Susano, and rubs in the fact that he's apparently a descendant of Nagi. "If anyone can do something about this rock, it's him." Off to his house, then.

"This is the home of the two-bit, middle-aged warrior Susano." Hmmm... I don't like this. "He goes around claiming to be a descendant of Nagi." Oh, for the love of...

Well, Issun doesn't seem to have a very high opinion of him, if that's worth anything to me. Running into his house, I have to POWER SLASH! a giant vase to get down to Susano's underground Den of Manliness or something. What? What? What kind of bullshit is this?! This is Susano?! Grr. If there's any character that should be bish in a Japanese mythology-based game, it should be him.

*sigh* At least I know I'll meet this game's equivalent to bish relatively soon. And he's awesome.

Anyway, Susano's out cold when Ammy and Issun happen upon him. "Oh... Kushi... Let's *mumble mumble*" It doesn't take a genius to figure out what "mumble mumble" means. Censorship, check! Ammy smash tackles and wakes him up, and we proceed to a real cutscene, our first in a while. "I planned to meditate underground, but fell fast asleep!" If I hadn't seen that joke made in InuYasha a few times and in One Piece and its fanfic dozens, I might have laughed. Also, who the hell sleeps on their back with a sword on their back?

Susano introduces himself in everybody's favorite red text, and, just like Issun, thinks he's The Shit. Issun and Susano apparently aren't friends, which... isn't surprising, really. "Hm? You snuck in here again!? Quit bugging me you... you... bug!" Issun is not pleased at being called a bug. He turns red, steams, and jumps up twice the height he normally does. It is quite hilarious.

Ammy somehow gets Susano onto her back, and for some odd reason, Susano doesn't just get off. If you run around talking to the villagers with him on Ammy's back, you get some pretty funny stuff. Once I've had my fill of lulz, I make Ammy bring Susano to the merchant at the rock. He wants Susano to move the rock, and plays the whole "Nagi's descendant" card again. He almost convinces Susano to move the boulder, but Susano bails and heads off to do some training. Issun says, once he leaves, that he's never seen Susano train seriously...ever. Why does this seem like it's not going to end well?

First, though, my walkthrough tells me to make a pit stop at Kushi's, to pick up a sake called Vista of the Gods. Kushi gives it to me, and is cute.

He says that the sake is exactly what he needs to begin training. "A man without drink is like a warrior without his trusty sword! In fact, it is said that Nagi himself relied on the power of sake in his battle with the dreaded Orochi." Really, though, anyone with a brain can tell that it's not as much the sake as much as it is from Kushi. Ah, to look good in the eyes of the one you like. Now, it's time for the Xtreme Training. *cough*

I have to POWER SLASH! two dummies and two boulders. Since I'm a loser, this takes me about a year.

The second boulder is the boulder that the merchant was whining about, and Susano's all macho about it. The merchant mentions his being Nagi's descendant again, and I promptly shoot myself in the face. The merchant says that now Susano can fight monsters, and walks off. Susano's macho about it, but only after acting cowardly. He runs out of the village leaving a dust cloud in his wake, and rubs in that he's apparently the greatest warrior in all Nippon.

Sakuya appears out of nowhere behind Ammy and Issun, and she's probably wearing less clothes than before. "When you cleaved the boulder in two, my heart skipped a beat." OMG fangirl. Issun wants a reward, and Sakuya calls him a bug. "It's Issun! Issun, Issun, Issun! Stop calling me a bug!" Maybe if you stopped spending all your time in her clothes. He threatens to go back into her kimono if she calls him that again, and she turns away, complete with jiggling boobies.

Sakuya says that even though she'd like to reward them, she can't. She's spending too much energy protecting the rest of Nippon, through what she calls Guardian Saplings. She also talks about some dark power that keeps getting stronger and stronger. Gee, I wonder what that could be? She asks me to REJUVENATE! these Guardian Saplings, and marks their locations on my map. She leaves.

Issun is rather bitchy about going on this adventure, but he's "stuck with furball here until [he] get[s] all the brush skills..." No, you can go ahead and leave, Issun. I don't mind. Really. "Anyway, Ammy's a god and all... What could possibly go wrong?" *headdesk*

Now, it's off from Kamiki Village into Shinshu Field. This is where I leave you. Until next time!